Excitement is Brewing

As we approach the end of the year 2012 the preparations are a welcomed cheerful contrast to the preparations this time last year. This year I look forward to the weekend of Thanksgiving as a happy time with my family knowing the end of treatment for B will be less than a week away rather than the dread of heading into it. B and I are also excited to plan a little anniversary outing that we will both enjoy and get to actually attend. And even though our finances are much tighter this year, we are having fun planning the list of Christmas gifts for family and friends. 

The excitement of Jasmine's real first experience of Christmas (she was only a few months old last year) lets us get excited with her. There is a real Joy in the air as pictures are taken, cards are ordered, and plans begin to fall into place for the most magical time of the year. 

Now for the fun part... creating our own family traditions!

We would like to do at least one festive light tour/hunt/walk/drive each year. And try to find a fun new spot each year to help keep the magic of the find and experience alive. 

 It would be fun to attend a Christmas Parade 

We will always have a live tree, noble fir if possible, fully lit with white lights and decorated with ornaments.

Decorate the house the weekend after Thanksgiving

As the children get older they will get to pick their own annual ornament as we, their parents, have done together for several years 

Stockings are hung each year but we are fine tuning the actual stuffing of them and when to open them, etc. I'm still new to the full blown celebration of Christmas

and the newest item as of this year will be Santa...

I still don't know how that is going to work but we are going to try to incorporate Santa into a Christian Christmas. Probably tell the story of Saint Nicholas and how his name changed.

Enjoy your Thanksgiving and have fun planning for Christmas <3

Give Thanks!

thank·ful 

[thangk-fuhl]  adjective

feeling or expressing gratitude; appreciative.

Give thanks with a grateful heart
Give thanks to the Holy One
Give thanks because He's given Jesus Christ, His Son

Give thanks with a grateful heart
Give thanks to the Holy One
Give thanks because He's given Jesus Christ, His Son

And now let the weak say, "I am strong"
Let the poor say, "I am rich
Because of what the Lord has done for us"

And now let the weak say, "I am strong"
Let the poor say, "I am rich
Because of what the Lord has done for us 

Give Thanks, Give Thanks, Give Thanks 

What am I thankful for? There isn't one or even 24 answers to that question but many. I am thankful for God's Mercy and Grace! Without it (Phil. 4:13) I would not have made it through the past year and a half. 

I am thankful for my husband's health and life! I am thankful that he has been surrounded by a very skilled medical team. I am thankful for the knowledgeable and caring nursing team. For the stable hands of the skilled surgeon. The Anesthesiologists and Phlebotomists for their steady hands and careful measures. For the initial Oncologist that put us in touch with one of the best local experts on Melanoma. For the Oncologist that has cared for and watched over Brandon for the past year, knowing when his liver needed a break and when to keep pushing forward to the end goal. For the kind staff and receptionists for making us all feel welcome, supported and loved.  I am thankful for the sound advise we have received from family and medical staff alike. I am thankful for the Psychologist that has helped B manage his medications and narrow down the best balance to improve his energy level to functional.  I am thankful that my husband only has 3 1/2 weeks of home treatments left!

I am thankful for our beautiful daughter. I am thankful that we were able to spend precious moments together as a family before the chaos of surgeries and treatment began. I am thankful for her good health and steady growth. 

I am thankful for the support that we have received. For those that came with encouraging words from unexpected places and directions. I am thankful for Uncle Brad and Aunt Nancy, they have been more encouragement and help than they will ever know. I am thankful for our amazing church. 

I am beyond thankful that B made the decisions to move forward with his surgeries.

I am thankful that I have pillars of care and strength in my life. For the unconditional love I receive from my dog, Chico, who cuddled me and let my tears fall.

I am thankful for my family, including the one on the way, and the memories we will make together. I am thankful that B and I get to celebrate another anniversary together.

And above all, I am thankful that God has placed His healing hand upon B.

So Close!

This has been a whirlwind of a year and two and a half months. This Friday marks the Four Week Countdown to when B is done with his home injection treatment. We are both so looking forward to the return of his old self. I'm not sure who is looking forward to it more actually, ha! :) It sounds like it will take about two weeks before he notices any real difference in his overall health and energy levels and around two months before he is "back to himself". So come February he should be full of energy just in time for me to have very little. I'm looking forward to getting to do more family things though. Like getting back into the routine of taking the dogs to the park for a good 2-3 mile walk multiple times a week. That will be great exercise for my big baby belly too. Yes, in the midst of this tornado called life we will be adding another little bundle to the family in April/May 2013. We're excited and I'm especially looking forward to B getting to enjoy more of the little things when the baby comes that he didn't really get to fully enjoy when Jasmine arrived. Now, we wait. We wait for the treatment to be over, for his energy to increase, and to find out if the family team will be tipping the score card in favor of pink or blue. 

Guilt

An evil consuming virus. 

Anger, morphes into guilt. 

It plants itself in your brain then spreads like a hazy spider web that you can't get off your flesh.

Cancer Sucks!

"I wish I could eat your cancer" - Nirvana

I see you struggle through it.

I wish I could take a ride on the magic school bus

and fight it off with my own two hands.

All the while shouting, "And never come back!"

As you struggle I am left wanting to help but feeling helpless.

I wish friends knew what I feel and saw what I see.

Maybe they would feel the same

Caregiver

Caregiver

noun

1.

a person who cares for someone who is sick or disabled.

2.

an adult who cares for an infant or child.

What does that term mean to you? What does it take to step into the role of caregiver? 

Could you provide that care for your spouce? 

Theoretically, I'm sure most people posed with that question would answer with a resounding, YES!

Why would you even think twice? If the person you love enough to share the rest of your life with is at a point where they need you to care for them, to hold their hand through trials, then I would hope you would be proud to stand strong for them.

It is so much easier to fantasize about life's possibilities and what you would do when faced with certain challenges. Or even that the challenges you could face would be obvious and easy to point to the root. But the sad reality is that most of our trials are not the way the TV shows and movies portray them. Yes, there is drama and there are tears because there is pain. Physical and emotional pain. But you don't see the slow dissapearing act of people you counted on for support or all of the decisions and questions needing quick answers. 

Cancer is an evil that scars all it touches. It is a creaping and silent offender that slowly brings you down and knocks the wind out of you at the same time. It forces you to wear a mask. You see the mask when you look in the mirror, and when you look at your spouce. Both trying to be as strong as you can for eachother. 

Clinging to the ever optimistic mantra, "This too shall pass."

Issolation.

I won't tell you what we go through on a daily, weekly, monthly and quarterly basis. You honestly don't want to know or be burdened with the heart ache and struggle. Or so we think. So, we remain silent.

I think that a caregiver is more than Doctors appointments, pharmacies, medication schedules, diet, activity and cleaning. I think that a true caregiver is a pillar of strength standing strong for their ward to lean on. Sadly it takes a serious toll on both. There are nights with tear stained pillows and day dreams of better days when this will all turn into a memory.

Quail Gardens

San Diego Quail Botanical Gardens

http://www.SDBGarden.org/ 

"4 Miles of trails on 37 acres" A beautiful series of gardens connected by winding dirt and concrete paths accessable on foot and pushing a stroller. There is a section of the gardens called Hamilton Children's Garden that has a big tree house and plenty of interactive activities full of learning opportunies. There are covered picnic tables as well below the tree house area where you can enjoy a packed lunch. Be sure to apply sunscreen! You are in the sun more than it may seem :) I highly recommend obtaining a map or visiting the website to plan out what you would like to see while at the gardens. Two parts that are especially lovely to have the camera out for are, the lookout (pictures below) and the large koi pond in the middle of the bamboo gardens. 

Admission
Adults $12
Seniors, students, active military $8
Children ages 3-12 $6
Members; children ages 2 & under FREE

 

Parking $2
Go Green Policy - 4 or more in a car, park free
Members park free.

Special NOTE! First Tuesday of every month Admission is FREE! 

Regularly Scheduled Tours
Individuals wishing to join a Docent-led tour of the gardens may do so every Saturday at 10:30 am. These tours are free with admission to the Garden or membership, and do not require a reservation. Tours depart from the Visitor Center/Gift Shop.

Overall Rating - 4 Stars (will return)

Restrooms - No Rating, didn't visit

Playgrounds - 5 Stars! (who doesn't want to play in a giant tree house?!)

Cleanness - 4.5 Stars (for a natural setting things are kept very tidy)

Hours - 9:00 am - 5:00 pm Daily

10 Years (Some creative outlet writing)

10 years.

It sounds like an eternity yet a blink in the timeline of life. 

Over those 10 years there has been sadness, rejection, and change.

There has also been love.

Through reflection I'm ready to make another change.

I'm ready to melt with tears the icy wall that has built up around my heart.

To say "No" and "I'm sorry".

It is time to smooth off some of the rough edge that has been my exterior.

Return to a loving, trusting, selfless person to those around me.

Here's to another 10 years... full of change.

Hilltop Park

Hill top community park
http://www.sandiego.gov/park-and-recreation/centers/hilltop.shtml 

A wonderful moderately sized park with something for the entire family. There is a toddler playground (complete with bucket swings, little picnic table, recycled rubber ground, sand, and several other fun points), a separate playground for bigger kids (rock wall!) under awnings, several benches for parents on the watch, multiple reservable gazebos, picnic tables, and a walking path with circuit training along the loop.

Overall rating - 4 stars - will return
Restrooms - 3 stars - standard public
Playground(s) - 5 stars - lots to choose from
Cleanness of park - 5 stars

Plus - dirt trail that goes up the hill
Dog friendly! On leash only
Park closes at 10pm daily

New writing challenge :)

My December daily writing challenge was a therapeutic and fun exercise and I thought it was about time to come up with another self challenge. This time it will be weekly/bi-weekly with no end date in sight. I will visit a new location (park, beach, zoo, theme park, community center, etc.), take pictures and post them along with a first hand critique of the location and whether I will return or pass on future visits. :) Some key observations will include dog friendly, children age appropriate, facilities, and more. What a great adventure motivation for me and other parents (babies and pets) as well!

Look for my first post soon, subject location will be hilltop park.

25, what a year you were!

As my birthday approaches I've been reflecting over all that happened during my 25th year and what a year for the books it was!

I spent a better part of age 25 pregnant with my first child and if I stopped there it would already be a pretty amazing year but there is a lot to add. I completed a tax season freshly into my second trimester while helping my sister plan and craft for her wedding. Her wedding was a first bridal party involvement for me, and I was matron of honor at that! :) which if you are familiar with the duties meant I had to give a toast (yikes!). My best friend had her first baby, a boy, 4 months to the day before I gave birth. I had a pregnancy scare which resulted in a hospital stay for a day (don't ever want to go through that kind of scare again!). B and I finally made it to his family's cabin in Ruidoso, NM. We transformed our house into more of a home. August 22nd we welcomed our beautiful, healthy, full head of hair, little girl, Jasmine. B was diagnosed with stage three melanoma, had two surgeries and i.v. treatment all by the beginning of January. Now we are on the home injections phase. I lost my job of nearly 6 years and became a full time care giver and home maker. I made many trips to visit my grandma over the past year as her health continues to decline. I succeeded through much difficulty to exclusively breastfeed for 15 Weeks and continued to nurse until Jasmine weened from me at 5 months. And I am finally taking my health seriously and made appointments that have been long over due with an orthopedic surgeon and an endocrinologist.

I know that there are going to be some amazing things accomplished at age 26 but i'm hoping there will be less in the challenge department. Only God knows what lies ahead of me.

Schedule Me Time!

A big item has come to my attention as a relatively new first time mom (FTM). 

It is important imperative to schedule some "Me time" as a mom. 

When you are constantly caring for your child(ren), home, and spouse, it is easy to get all tangled up in the goings on that you don't realize how badly you need the break until you are forced to take one. I got sick along with Baby J, and I broke out in a stress rash (very similar to poison oak, Google it) all over my body. Having all of that hit simultaneously made me reflect on how much I internalize until I'm ready to snap which isn't healthy and is most definitely not conducive of a well lubricated family home unit either.

Some good "Me time" ideas I've come up with, keeping a minimal budget in mind, are: 

• Getting a scheduled pedicure, alone
• Getting together with a girlfriend for coffee, window shopping, or exercise, alone
• Working out while the baby is napping
• Reading, either at home in a quiet setting or at a coffee shop, alone
• Keeping an active craft project on hand for a quiet hour alone in the evenings after baby's bed time
• Playing classical music whenever possible to keep tensions low, or any other soothing tunes
• Yoga

So go ahead, schedule some "Me time"! It would be ideal to happen in some fashion or another on a daily basis but at the minimum twice a week.

Starting things off right

Now that baby j is fast approaching 5 months I've decided to start getting more serious about being active and watching what I eat to get back to where I left off when I became pregnant, weight loss.

This past week I started using a free Android app called MyFitnessPal. It has a bar code reader that will automatically pull up the food item you scan along with its nutrition information, calories per serving, and you can enter the number of servings, even fractions (.5). Another two big pluses for the app are, its free and I can add breastfeeding at varying levels of application and it adds the negative calories for the day.

I also joined a mom's weight loss group where we encourage each other to stick with the different challenges and we have weekly weigh-ins posted in a group doc for all of us to see. The group fulfills some major points that I needed to shove myself in the right direction, motivation and accountability from people going through the exact same things.

So far, as of this morning, I've lost 2 lb since Tuesday. There is a lot more where that came from! Especially since it was mostly just eating fewer calories. There wasn't much on the activity front but that should be changing Monday as I will have a regular routine again! I would really like to shed a whopping 4-5 dress sizes. That will be my main measure of success, size and not weight. However in the beginning, weight loss is extremely encouraging until I can see visible change. Here is to getting rid of the baby belly and beyond!! :)

December Daily - Day 31

2011, What an eventful year for our tiny family! There were so many ups and downs, emotionally and physically, for B and I. Neither one of us had ever been frequent patients in a doctor office much less hospital but after this year we could drive several different routes to some of the main Scripps hospitals/medical facilities in San Diego county. We had the joy of adding our first child to our family in August, bringing us to a Baker family of 3. :) We have had the privilege of visiting with several different family members (and out of town friends who are like family) through out the year, as well as tackle a few more home improvement items off our to-do/wish list. There have been friendships strengthened and weakened and I had a change in my employment status toward the end of the year, changing my title to "Stay at home mom". One sad point for my family this year was the passing of our beloved "Buddy", he was an awesome dog and it feels like he was always a part of our family. Thankfully, they have rescued another wonderful dog that is growing into his huge paws and picking up Buddy's legacy as trail pal and Michael's playmate. Ultimately, I believe this year has been one to remember for us. We have become closer to God as He has showed us little glimpses of His amazing grace and sovereignty. God blessed us with life and the miracle of medicine and doctors. And through those amazing miracles we are reminded in a sobering manor that His timing is divinely ultimate and He will never give us more than we can handle (have to remind myself that second part often). 

Below is a little picture tour through 2011

Celebrating Brandon's 32nd birthday when we told our friends about our pending addition

Can you tell we were on top of our workout regiment? :)

(I was DD and carried around my own water growler, hehe)

Awesome side profile! 

This is at 20 weeks when we found out we were having a daughter, B was right!

Buddy, we will miss you big guy!! :(

Our new floors being put down!! What a huge difference that made, wow!

Attempting to dance with a belly at my sister's wedding, that was funny.

We won two VIP behind the scenes tours to the San Diego Safari Park, aka Wild Animal Park. It was A.M.A.Z.I.N.G.!!!!

 

Brandon on his very own motorcycle. 

This was his "virgin ride", i.e. first ride ever on his new bike.

At the Del Mar Fair

One of our amazing pictures from the maternity shoot by D. Roa Photography

Taken at 37 weeks pregnant

Some of Jasmine's first moments in this world, waving hello

Our first official Family picture

This and the picture below are two of my favorite pictures from Jasmine's Newborn photos 

taken by D. Roa Photography

Wasn't D creative with this set up?! 

All of the pictures were taken outdoors at our favorite park in Escondido.

Jasmine's Baptism!

After the baptism, on the back church patio 

Our little doll with her first doll 

I hope you have a restful night and a blessed and joyous New Year!!!